Children are seen as a blessing in Islam, and the arrival of a new born child is usually a cause for great joy and celebration. The duties of parents towards their offspring begin from the very first day that they are born. In the Quran, Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states:
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones….” [Tahreem 66:6]
This passage contains a clear message which conveys the importance of encouraging ones family to adhere to the teachings of Islam.
The Prophet (pbuh) said, “A virtuous child is a flower from the flowers of Paradise.” He also said, “Among the good fortunes of a man is the virtuous child.”
In today’s world, many of us face a huge challenge whilst raising our children. Educating your children about Islam is an obligation on all parents but trying to do this while being surrounded by undesirable influences can prove to be very difficult. The exposure of children to the internet, television, and the media in general can have an adverse effect on them, and play a part in shaping their personality. This reinforces the importance of the role of parents in guiding their children.
What can we do to ensure that our children are protected from misguidance, and that the basic principles of Islam are deeply rooted in their lives?
1) Supplication
In a Hadith narrated by Abu Hurayrah, the Prophet (pbuh) said, “In the court of Allah, there is no greater thing than Dua” (Ibn Majah)
Parents should make dua for their children and ask Allah (swt) to guide them and make them amongst the best of Muslims. We must remember that dua should not just be restricted to after the child is born, but also at the time at which parents come together for sexual intercourse.
Narrated by Ibn 'Abbas (Radhi Allahu Anhu): The Prophet (pbuh) said, "If anyone of you, when intending to have a sexual intercourse with his wife, says:
'Bismillah, Allahumma jannibna-sh-shaitan, wa jannibi-sh-shaitan ma razaqtana,' (With the name of Allah, O Allah, keep Shaitaan away from us and keep the Shaitaan away from that which you provide for us) and if the couple are destined to have a child (out of that very sexual relation), then Satan will never be able to harm that child." [Al-Bukhari]
2) Leading by example
Leading by example is not only a Sunnah of our beloved Prophet (pbuh) but it also plays an important part in parenting. Our children are constantly watching our actions and learning from them, so if we fulfil our duties as good Muslims then they will naturally emulate this. In order for our children to have the best opportunity to be raised as righteous beings, they must have righteous parents as they are essentially a product of what we show and teach them.
We cannot expect our children to grow up to have a good moral character and behaviour if we haven’t set the best example. For instance, parents are constantly telling their children not to lie, however, the parents themselves may do something which would make the child think that it is fine to lie. For example, if someone rings the house to speak to the parents, they may instruct the child to tell the caller that they are not at home, perhaps because they are busy at the time. The child observes that his parents are getting him to lie so he learns that it must be okay to do so.
Demonstrate the importance of Salah to your children and explain the rewards whilst encouraging them to get involved in prayer with you. By watching you pray, they will be naturally inclined to imitate you. And finally, perform all those actions which will make your house one where there will be the blessings of Allah, and strive to ensure that you provide for your children, the best of examples.
3) Laying the foundation
From an early age, it is imperative that we implant Islamic values and knowledge in the minds and hearts of our children so that they can grow up to be righteous individuals. Instilling the fear of the displeasure of Allah (swt) as well as the love for Allah (swt) will ensure that your child is conscious in making the correct decisions for the right reasons. Depending on the age of your child and their level of understanding, you should introduce them to the concept of heaven and hell, but in the early years the focus should be on the love and mercy of Allah (swt).
Bring up your children in an Islamic environment; pray around them so that they begin to see worship as something entirely normal to do. Taking them to the masjid and playing recordings of tilawat in your home will increase their familiarity of these things and hence have a positive effect on their personality.
From time to time when telling your children stories, relate accounts of the Prophets and the Sahabah to them instead. Lay emphasis on the fact that these are people who they should treat as their role models, and most importantly make these stories interesting for your children so that they become curious to learn more.
Teaching about other basic principles such as Zakaat will give your children a sense of being charitable from a young age. Now a child obviously does not have their own money to give away to charity but we can still teach them. If you are out with your child and you see a beggar or a charity collection box then give the child money to give to them. Encouraging your child to give away old toys which they no longer use is another good way to teach them about generosity.
4) Provide the right environment
Parents need to respect one another, especially around their children. If a husband and wife have conflicts over certain issues then it is better that these are discussed behind closed doors rather than in front of the children. Ideally a daughter should see her mother being obedient towards her husband, and a son should see his father being kind, just, and understanding towards his wife. This will put them in good stead for their future relationships.
Consistency in how the two parents deal with their child is important and there should be agreement between the mother and the father. Children should pick up that if something is right for them then both parents will stand behind them, whereas if something is wrong, they will both oppose it. Otherwise, children will quickly realise that if their mum doesn’t agree to one thing, their dad might.
5) Be Open-Minded
Imam Ja`far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said, “Make haste in teaching your youngsters hadith before they are approached by murji`ite (a misguided sect).”
As parents we should not make the mistake of avoiding the discussion of taboo topics such as alcohol, drugs, fornication and relationships with the opposite gender. If we do not talk to them about the islamic stance on these sensitive matters then they will be more likely to accept what is happening in society around them. These are not issues which can be ignored and so it is our job to be more open about them so that our children can understand the Islamic teachings relating to such topics and the reasonings behind these teachings.
6) Build a close bond
The Prophet (pbuh) said: “The child is the master for seven years; and a slave for seven years and a friend for seven years; so if he grows into a good character within 21 years, well and good; otherwise leave him alone because you have discharged your responsibility before Allah.”
Having a good relationship with your children is a key part of effective parenting and without this you will be unable to fully guide them and have an impact on their lives. Adopting a friendly attitude towards your children will mean that they will feel more comfortable when talking to you and later on when they require advice on any issues, they will be more likely to approach you if they feel that you will understand them. Simply lecturing your children and constantly emphasising what they can and cannot do will create a gap in the relationship between the parent and the child.
Praising your children when they do good will inspire them to continue doing virtuous deeds and hence benefit both you and them. Conversely, when children make mistakes it is important that you do not excessively reprimand them, rather explain they have done wrong and also give them reasons so that they understand their faults. Every Islamic act which we do usually has a reason behind it so we should take the time to clarify why we are doing certain things. For example, before your daughter starts wearing hijab you should discuss the significance of it with her. This will make her less likely to ever shun it; explaining at the first opportunity means that she won’t remove it if advised to do so by peers as she will be aware of why she is wearing it in the first place.
7) Be Mindful Of Their Company
The Holy Prophet (pbuh) said: “Man is influenced by the faith of his friends. Therefore, be careful of whom you associate with.”
Peer pressure is one of the strongest influences in our children’s lives and so it is important that we help and guide our children to choose the right friends. Introduce your children to people who you think are most suitable for them and encourage their relationships with them. This can be done by inviting them to your house where they can interact under your supervision, or taking them out to play together. If we ourselves form friendships with appropriate people then it is more likely that their children will be decent also.
It is also useful to bear in mind that modern communication methods are used more and more by children. The introduction of Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, and blackberry messenger for example, are all things we need to be aware of. It may be useful for us to explore these methods of communication ourselves also. Rather than stopping your child from using Facebook it may be a good idea to make a Facebook account for yourself and add them as a friend so that you can indirectly monitor their activity; this will also make them more careful with regards to whom they add and the way in which they talk to their friends.
Raising a child is one of the greatest blessings and so it is important that we recognise this and do not underestimate its importance. May Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala reward all parents for their efforts and aid us all in guiding our children to the Siraat-Ul-Mustaqeem. Ameen.
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